This Ain’t No Fairytale
It seems that dating and the pursuit of relationships have evolved over the years.
Once upon a time, a man asked a woman on a date. He planned it, picked her up and took her out. He wasn’t taking her out with ulterior motives. He was genuinely interested in her. He put the effort in and pursued her until he made the decision that he wanted to take things further, to engagement and finally marriage.
Fast forward 20, 30, 40 years:
Chick Flicks, TV, internet have all changed the perceptions, expectations, and dynamics of dating.
We expect that we will see someone and fall instantly in love, and maybe that does happen on occasion, but what follows has been skewed and screwed by society.
Here’s the reality: Media, in general, has set up unrealistic expectations. Every couple has their story and there is something special about how they met, what they felt, things they did together and the magic between them. But when the fun part is over and they get comfortable with each other, that’s when the work begins. NEWS FLASH: Relationships take work. It takes remembering, sometimes daily what happened earlier on to make you come together, fall in love, or whatever warm fuzzy emotion you had. It takes falling in love all over again DAILY. It takes doing or saying something every day to keep the ember burning. It takes occasionally (no set time frame, but maybe once a month) of getting together on purpose and making some sort of memory.
It’s a realization that life is sometimes mundane, sometimes hard, but it’s the accumulation of the little things and breaking up the monotony from time to time to keep things going.
The problem is that as soon as the comfort sets in and the magic wear off, we want to throw it away and go look for the next high….the next amazing person, and we want to trash the person we were with before. The fact is, you were with that person you were with before for a reason, and you were infatuated or in love at that time. The reason we are single is that someone threw the relationship away rather than working on it. The process will continue until 2 people can come together without expectations of HAPPILY ever after, and they say, THIS is my person, come hell or high water, and they both put in the effort to make it work. Happy is an overall feeling. You can be happy overall and still have bad days, arguments, disagreements, distance, mood swings, silence, etc…But sometimes we have to overcome those feelings, stop being selfish (and we all are from time to time) and make sure that your person knows you love them and that you are both feeling secure, even when you are not secure with life in general or in yourself. It also takes the work of your person to notice these things, be available, and in turn make you feel secure and loved. Always keep the big picture in mind.
The dynamics of dating and relationships and the pursuit of love have changed and evolved, but the need to be connected and loved have not.