The backstory to this blog entry. I am single and have had quite the journey dealing with the single life. I am no longer on dating sites, but I am in a few Facebook singles groups, where like-minded single people come together and support each other in this phase of life, and sometimes get together as a group and hang out. Great friends and connections are made along the way.
I post topics in these groups and then discussions get started and people give their experiences and opinions.
The reason I am making this a blog is actually a couple of reasons. 1 is for those who may be single and not connected to a support group, just to give you something to think about, etc. and Secondly, is to give insight to anyone who may be married or in a long-term relationship as to what the single folks deal with.
So here is my latest topic:
Topic Time: I apologize in advance for the long post: I know the subject has come up on different threads etc…but lets really focus on this. Ending a relationship or deciding not to exclusively date and how to handle it. We’ve all been in the dating world and some of us have become very familiar with terms such as ghosting, zombieing, gaslighting, catfishing and other such dating disasters…oh and after yesterdays topic, we can add the famous copout “being too clingy” to that list. But I personally think that it is time to grow up and handle things in a mature fashion.
Ok, so…you start dating someone, and things are great! You get used to talking and seeing that person and suddenly your world revolves around him/her. A month, 2 months, 4 months…a year down the line, and for whatever reason one or both just aren’t feeling it anymore. There could be any number of reasons, and all are legit, but then you are faced with hurting the other person’s feelings and you DON’T want to do that. So what do you do? How do you handle it? Usually, people just go ghost to avoid dealing with it, especially when the time has not been that long. Other times he/she will turn it around on the other person…gaslighting or be throwing out the phrase, “you’re being too clingy” or any other number of lame turn the table excuses.
So, let me share a personal story void of details about an ending gone completely right.
I had just gotten out of a relationship with a person who completely crushed my heart and soul. I was friended by a person who was able to shed some very unbiased light on some of the issues. We became friends and then at some point decided to meet. Things were really going good and headed in a good direction. In the last week, I had started to feel something was not quite right and kinda asked about it….you know, you can feel when something is off. Sometimes it takes a few days for one person or the other to think things through and articulate what’s going on in the relationship or in themselves. So…I point blank asked…and he gave me an honest answer. In this case, it was a distance issue. Great thing is, we are both on the same page. We remain great friends, and I think both of us are breathing a whole lot easier.
Point is, I want to encourage everyone to communicate, be honest. Dating is not getting married, it’s searching for the potential for a long-term relationship. It’ll take several, maybe even many dates and dating partners till you find your person. Be mature…even if you are the one being broke up with. It’s OK. At least he/she had the decency to tell you and be honest with you. TRUST ME….there is NOTHING like falling in love with someone and then they disappear off the face of the earth. The grieving process is extreme and there is zero closure, and the damage is very long lasting. If you have ever done this to someone, shame on you!!